Diary, no Joe of Alfred FJones
by MuppetSnipper
Summary: Al has more to say, but who can he say it to? Joe of course, his own little diary he stole from England's house. See the world through Alfred.F.Jone's eyes, like you've never seen them before
1. Chapter 1

Hey there!

June 19th. 2010. Umm…like around 9 or something?

. . .Okay, crappy introduction. I just don't want to call you "diary" or "journel" either way it sounds fruity, or girly. Hero's don't write "dear diary" every single time they open an old notebook they found while hiding in England's closet from his idea of "brunch". No, hero's bother to think of heroic names for the notebook! I guess, I dunno. . . it's been kinda a slow day. The world meeting thingy is starting late, for God knows how many members are missing. Russia looks kinda gloomy today. . .hmm. . . maybe I should go bug him! Pick a fight, or tell him off for being a commie bastard! That'll sure to get things moving!

10:07 am

Okay, not cool. Not cool at all. Russia just looked at me, like-like I was Canada! He didn't even give me his usual "I'm such a creepy fuck smile" and giggle his "I'm a 800 year old beastly old man and I still giggle like a 6 year old on crack" . So bothering Russia was a bummer. . .honestly, these guys just see me as a kid! I'm the Unite States of America! Although, don't tell anyone. . .I'm not feeling so "united" lately. It's those annoying Democrats and Republicans, but I don't wanna get into that. . . stupid Mattie. . .and his stupid, perfect, kinda government. . .okay, now I'm being a douche. Sorry Mattie! If you ever read this, I don't mean it. . .well I do, just un-read all of this. . .Oh look! It's Iggy! Maybe he'll play-I mean. . yeah, play with me!

12:23 (am or pm. . .I really don't know when it comes to noon. I'm pretty sure it's am. . .is it? I don't wanna ask Arthur, he'll think I'm an idiot. . .oh well, I'll google it later)

Joe. I want to call you Joe. Joe is not a very heroic name, but I think it suits you. . .but England will MURDER ME if I call you Joe. He'll be all like "Alfred ou av to theenk of more me'ningful names, you git!" or something. If England reads this, he'll be mad that I didn't think of a better name, so Joe will be your temporary name, got it? Anyways, seven minutes until we can leave! AND THE WEIRDEST THING EVER HAPPENED! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT! EVER NOT IN A MILLION YEARS JOE! . . .I'm talking like Ramona from those old Judy Bloom books. . .or is it Junie B. Jones? Ah well, so Mattie, Francis, Arthur, Kiku and Iva-I mean Russia were trying to stop South Italy and Germany from fighting, then when everything calms down (well as calm as you can say) Mattie sits in Russia's chair. . .and Russia looks at Mattie, and sits in a different chair. In. A. Different. Chair. Like, he saw him. Weird, huh? Ivan-I mean Russia must be in a pretty crappy mood, I'll have to cheer him up! Maybe buy him some borsct? Or something. . .actually, I don't think you can even get that in Germany (where our meeting is being held! Sorry Joe!) or anywhere other than the ice land of Russia. OH COME ON! It's 12:29! Come on clock! . . . . . . . . . YES! KAY BYE JOE!

1:54 pm (Now I'm sure it's pm! Still have to google the latter)

Okay, so I chickened out and went out with Mattie and Arthur. Arthur wanted to get a drink, but we (more like me repeating everything Canada said louder) and we settled for Subway. It was good I guess, but I kept feeling guilty throughout the whole thing about not talking to –Russia, he seems really out of it today. . .all I know about what's going on there right now is the heat wave. . .I will talk to him later! I promise Joe! Oh, I guess you must be wondering about the meeting, well. . .everyone is still arguing like kids. . .stupid Matthew. . .just sitting invisible. Not that Mattie is stupid, he's just a lucky jerk. I mean, out of all these old guys here, I'm the youngest next to Mattie. Haaahhhh. . .

Reasons Mattie Canada is a stupid Jerk Country

His winters are fucking cold as hell, and he just goes outside and skates like a Russian playing hockey.

When I'm freezing my ass off, he's ice fishing. . .maybe. . .or building an igloo

He had all this cheap lumbering industry, and stole business from me. . .we worked it out, but it was still annoying. . .

HE IS TOTALLY A COMMIE IN DISGUISE! MY OWN BROTHER! . . . .okay, that's a stretch. His healthcare system rocks for the people, doctors don't get paid as much, but his people are taken care of. . .

I'll think of number 5 later, but COME ON! This kid is younger than me! The hero! And he did everything right. I mean, we all learn from eachothers mistakes. . .I learned from England not to inslave people like an idiot, or from Russia (IF ANYONE READS THIS OTHER THAN YOU JOE, I AM TOTALLY NOT YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!) not to try and control everything. I thought, hey! Why don't we let the people have their freedom. . .and Mattie's all like "We'll work together, sugar cane and rainbows!". He's the younger one. . .well, I'm not jealous, or even mad at him. Couldn't ask for a better bro. . .sorry if you read this Matt, and you feel upset. I really hope no one reads this. . .uh oh. . . it's 10 till 3, I guess I should try and pay attention to-. . . .France and his "No religious symbols in state funded buildings" deal. . .a lot of people are going to be pissed at him. . . I can't blame him though, he just wants to hold onto his identity. . .


	2. Chapter 2

Diary, no Joe of Alfred part 2

June 18th Car

You're not my wife or anything, do men even ramble to their wives about their mothers? I wouldn't know. . .not that I can't get a girl ~ ew. . .why would I want a—I mean! As a hero I have to be open to all damsels in distress, not chained down by some ~ uhh. . .—I'm getting off topic. . . seeing as you're not my wife – and we haven't known each other very long. . .ah hell, you're a fucking Hilroy notebook! I never had "parents" besides Iggy, but I think I know what a mother is like or at least mother in law. . . .Boss. it's always "Alfred stop playing the 360," "Alfred you have to go to blah, blah, blah", "Alfred are you listening? Please take out your ear buds," blah, blah, blah. . . . He's not a bad guy, but after Bush I'm kinda iffy about any president. . .I mean he seems, well is a pretty cool guy. . .and he came at the perfect time, like—like a hero! That actually makes me feel a lot better! Thanks Joe!

10:23 am, STILL IN CAR  
Al. Fred. F. Jones. Al, what people usually call me (or friends I guess . . . I'm so glad Russia never calls me that! He'd ruin a perfectly good nickname). Fred. . . Freddie? UGH! NO ONE BETTER EVER CALL ME FREDDIE! FREDDIE IS NOT A HERO'S NAME. . . Stupid commie bastard, he'd probably call me Freddie just to piss me off . . . Fred, Freddie. . . Freddie Cougar? Hah, kinda cool, but Freddie wasn't a hero (and he's kinda creepy. . .). F, fucking awesome! Enough said. Jones. The best soda pop ever! I'm going to punch Russia in his big fat nose tomorrow . . . tomorrow . . . how dare he call me Freddie! Alright, time for a sna—SHIT! I hear England . . . pray for me Joe. . .

10:47 am, almost at conference  
Cup of Joe! Haha! Ah, I felt like I should open with something light. Don't worry Joe . . . I'll think of a good name for you . . . eventually. Anyways, stupid "dolt" (bolt, jolt? Can't tell with his stupid accent. . .only UK has a stupid accent. . .his people are fine. . .just UK, and Russia, and France sometimes. . .Germany when he's being a jerk. . .) England makes me feel like such a kid sometimes. . .I don't even wanna talk about it. . .like. . .so we were doing some paper work at his place, and I was trying to see if this new building permit was legit for BP. . . I'd already asked UK about a dozen multiplied by five thousand questions. . .and it looked okay. . .oh God. . .I am never watching Colbert. . .at least, not for a while. . . UK's great sometimes . . . I'm not Russia or anything, but he's a good tool . . . pause, no homo.

11:23 are . . . so bored. . .  
Oh my GAWD JOE! I'm so bored. . .we're supposed to be listening to—uh. . .well I forget his name. . .so I'm doodling and trying to hide my smile. See, I'm sitting next to UK, and he keeps muttering or humming, actually all them them strung together with some colourful cusses.  
UK- "Grr. . .bloody gi—dum, dee, dum, dum. . ." "What the bloody. . .hmm. ..mmm…hmmm…trollic…"  
I swear, he makes up words! Trollic. . .what's a trollic?

11:56 am  
So I finally decided to ask UK what all those funny words meant. . . France is talking now, so naturally he's in an argument with Germany. UK looked at me like I had feathers growing out of my ears when I asked what a "trollic" was (hmph, he's the one who dresses like a fairy when he's drunk or he thinks no one is around). Mattie was about to say something when UK went off on this loooong rant. . .I checked the clock, and about half an hour passed. UK had joined in France and Germany's argument (Guess I fell asleep). I looked at Mattie and asked him to summarize what UK said. He shushed me, (was he actually listening to them?) so I wrote him some notes, there here.

~~~~  
Maaaaattttiiiieeeee! Tellllll meeee

. . .we should be listening

I am! But I won't stop bothering you until you tell me

. . .A trollic is a creature of evil

Like Russia?

Al!

Go on, go on

Half human, half animal. Most common crossing between wolf man, goat, or man bird

So something like Russia

. . . It is extremely large—

Like Russia!

Alfred!

Anything else?

They live to kill, hunt and burn, don't say like Russia. . .

So. . . REALLY LIKE RUSSIA!

. . .Their minds are controlled by a mydrall or shade. . .

So his boss?

. . .their language is unpronounceable by human tongue. . .okay. . .stop snickering Al

SO LIKE RUSSIA MATTIE!

Oh. . .and they smell awful.

~~With that Mattie went back to taking notes, he was so smiling after that last one. . . .is it just me, or does that PERFECTLY describe Russia? Oh, it's just France and Germany arguing again, looks like UK gave up.

12:56  
. . .I told UK about calling Russia a trollic, he blushed kinda and said that it was really harsh.

12:57  
. . .I bet trollics are fat. . .

1:00 am  
. . .Like Russia. . .

1:06 pm  
He still looks kinda down today. . .maybe I could doodle him something? –notthatgoodofanartist-

1:32 pm  
I drew this not half bad sunflower, it's actually pretty good! Great even! They're everywhere in Kansas, so I know what they look like. (Dude likes flowers. . .I think. . .)

1:34 pm  
I'll just sneak it in his folder at break or something. . .

2:45 pm (after break)  
! JOE! WHHHY! I GOTTA, GOTTA KEEP WRITING OR RUSSIA MAY SUSPECT ME. . . um. . .um. . .oh no. . .

2:51 pm  
Okay Joe. . .tell me, if my face red? No. . .good, I think. I kinda want him to know. . .but no one knows I've been practicing my drawing lately. So he probably doesn't know it's mine. . .Ugh, that stupid—stupid . . .uh, guy'll probably rip up the picture and glare at me. . .or toss it in the garbage. . .okay. . .I'm going to look up now. . .FUCK MY LIFE! He looks exactly the same. . .Joe. . .UHHHGGHHH! He's not even looking me at me! Just the same blank expression. . .not happy. . nor sad. . .

3:07  
. . . .That did not happen. . ... . .meeting is over now, and my folder fell off the table. So. . .I stayed behind. . .the only person left his Iv-Russia. So I start to pick everything up, and I don't think he knows I'm still in the room. . .Russia looks surprised now. . .OTL! HE LOOKS HAPPY! HERO'S MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! YES! Okay. . .you know, I was worried for a second Joe! BUT HE'S GIGGLING THAT FUCKING CREEPY GIGGLE! BUT IN A GOOD WAY! AWW! JOE! THIS IS GREAT! . . .how the hell do I leave with him giggling like that?


End file.
